Tonight the city lights shimmered more brightly than usual. Clearness of air allowed a view of the city that would make any passerby want to stop and gaze for a minute or year. My car drove me swiftly through the buildings that rose like mountains, glently up and quickly down. Suddenly my thoughts were of lofts, cafes, dinner parties, and afternoons walking with friends.
I consider myself to be like a lot of people in this way. My heart seems naturally inclined to have all these hopes, desires and passions. They are things I often think will never happen, or am unsure of they might be done.
One of the biggest things I've hoped for in the last few years of my life is independance. Since high school I have wanted to live on my own, buy my own groceries, have a job, and have my own life. This week has been somewhat of a realization of my lacking in this. My roommate moved out and I can't pay my own rent. My job is part time, and unimpressive. Only my groceries are really my own, but my bread got moldy yesterday.
As I considered all this, I realized that it is good. Humbling. My whole life should be one of dependancy, if not on humans, then on God. While feeling a bit set back (and not even rightly so), I also feel like I'm being trained. For this time, I am dependant on people, and it will teach me forever to be dependant on God.
Praise God.
Once, There Were Two Sisters
7 years ago
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2 comments:
I can relate on the whole wanting to be independent thing. It just seems that we'll always reach the end of ourselves at different points throughout our lives, especially when we think we have it all together. Oh the silly vanity that makes us think for a minute we don't have to depend on others.
:)
(i still don't know how i have an identity on this thing.)
thanks for sharing these things with me in person.
as i read this, i thought of our walk and talk in la. and sit on grass with fountains before us. boots on the grass, a rest for my blistering feet.
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